STEPS Fellowship

When Jon mentioned that he wanted to talk about Joseph, I was very excited.  I remember hearing Joseph’s story from pastor Judah Smith (Generation Church), but I don’t even remember what the lesson that he’d linked together was. So to be honest, I don’t even know why I was excited, really.

Jon was talking about how we all should have hopes. Hopes for higher things than just “I hope to have a house one day” or “I hope to make <this> and <that> before I’m <how old>”. After all, Joseph had shown much more than that. He went through a lot of crap for almost 20 years of his life. With that, there were 4 things that really stood out in his life for today’s lesson. Those things were:

- Joseph always did the right thing. No matter what situation he was in.

- He knew God and His faithfulness. He trusted God’s greater plan, even though his life was in a gutter.

- By trusting in God, he was also not giving up. He’ll do his thing while waiting for God.

- He had opportunities to confront people in his life that had done him wrong, he chose grace to confront. Not anger.

Afterward, we met up as a small group. I really wasn’t getting any input from anyone. Mainly because there were only 4 of us and our main topic of conversation was how have we grown and how can we improve after the 6 months of small group together. That also was a good conversation, but that’s for another time. Although the focus in the small group wasn’t there, that didn’t mean the message was slowly slipping away, or starting to lose its impact on me.

A day earlier, I was in a car accident. I felt very stupid because a guy that’d hit me and ran away. I had a night to cool off my head, but anger was still burning and growing inside of me. That entire night, I imagined all night that had I caught up with that car, what I would have done to him. I played so many scenarios in my head. Imagined that the guy won’t stop and I’ll ram my car to get his car to flip, or slam into a wall. Then there was a scenario that he had a knife/gun and what would I have done. Of course, there were more details and stuff that needs not to be mentioned :) But after hearing Jon’s message. The part that said Joseph always did the right thing in all situations. That hit me. During those scenarios, I was no longer myself. Anger has gotten the best of me. I was willing to do anything to get back to that person. (had I explained to you what I thought, you’d know that it’s pretty bad… but let’s leave it at that). I guess that Jon’s message had hit me where it hurt.

So after hearing that, I actually calmed down. I’m still angry from time to time. I would still complain about the dent on the door, but Jon’s message reminded me to cool off. I guess I was reminded that I have my own hopes and dreams. To reach there, I better not be distracted that easily with this sort of things. Am I still angry when I see the dent? Yep, but God had taught me to cool off too.

Getting hit sucked. Badly. Letting the guy go probably was worst (for me). But there’s something else that’s bigger than just me getting that instant satisfaction of the moment. Let it go… And move on. *sigh*

- Shogun

Jon talked about the story of Joseph, and here are some thoughts i drew out from his message:   Pillars of influence— are you one? do you want to be one? I mean, we all have an affect on each other whether good or bad. So the idea of being a pillar of Influence really means to be a steady, strong, influence that offers support and inspiration. i think pillars of influence also need to be visible. Otherwise you’ll be a stump. =)

What do we hope in? I liked this point b/c it catches my heart every time i get challenged by it. I mean, i dream of things for my life but it doesnt go much farther than hoping Jon and I get to move into a bigger house soon, to perhaps have children and build a family together, to be healthy and live ‘til i’m 70ish and die happy, to make lots of money to spend on my heart’s desires… I dont know how to really hope for more than just materialistic things like that. What does it feel like to hope in, to dream of something more eternal? i dont know— I’ve got too many distractions around me!

Conflict. The concept of conflict and confrontation is interesting in the Chinese/Asian culture— because we dont! =P Do you think there is a lot of conflict in Steps? Do you think, as a whole community, that conflict really influences our group? (ie. does it hurt our group as a whole when there is conflict going on, or can we even really “feel” it as a group?) I guess the idea that we are the body of Christ means that if one part of our body is in pain, the rest of the body ought to know or feel the reprocussions, right? I think most of the time we are unwilling to call out conflict and we just hope that it will heal itself over time. But just like the time i accidentally stabbed myself on my palm with a chopping knife, it was better to go to the ER and get it stiched up than to just slap a bandaid on it and wait it out. The scar that forms from the stitches is smaller, thinner, and actually stronger than if i had just held together my flaps of skin with a bandaid. I dont think conflict is bad— God didnt create us to always be buddy-buddies, but i think in wrestling with conflict it will make us grow and grant us wisdom when we can learn to extend grace.

- Pauline Lee

When I think about community, I automatically think about small group or college group. To me I still couldn’t consider myself as part of the big community of our society unlike people who are working in big companies and interacting with people on a daily basis. I work as an interpreter on an on-call basis; the place that I work varies from court, outpatient, emergency room, housing department, middle school, elementary school, to elderly house. As long as there are Chinese who does not feel comfortable in communicating in English, I would be there to conduit their thoughts. A lot of the time I found this job very meaningful and very thankful for how God puts me in such a position.

The job itself is very flexible and self-motivated. When we get the call, we can decide whether we want to take it or not, and when we are there, we don’t have to put in our own thinking. According to one of the guidelines, we have to translate whatever we hear without our own modification. However, since I was born in the same culture of the patients, I always see them feel more comfortable sharing what they think, which normally will not be heard by the target English speaker. At that point, I always feel like I am not an interpreter, but more like their family member, their son.

Looking back on my community of friends and peer groups, 99% of the time we avoid talking about sensitive topics, or things that will trigger our negative emotions like shame, stress, anger, sadness, or bitterness. Inevitably, I think that is because of my Asian-ness which acts as a detour sign whenever the conversation is about to breach my emotion defense. As a result most of the conversations were pretty much like eating gum; it is fun to chew but you don’t get any nutrient. One of the valuable experiences that I got from my job is that in order for you to be part of other people’s life, you have to be transparent. I know the patients’ sickness, their naughty daughter who made the school to kick her out, the way they drive so that the judge fined him 500 dollars, and so I can help them with my whole heart without any holding back. Same thing happens to my small group, the more I am willing the share, more feedback I got from my friends, and stronger the bond we have.

God created us as he planned; there is no way we can escape from His sight. So be transparent to Him and to others, be real.

- Morris Yuen

Yay! My turn! I thought I could escape this whole quarter without having to blog myself…I came so close!
So I’ve heard Brian speak a number of times now and I feel like the message he delivered last Friday was the most solid one so far. I don’t necessarily think what he said was new to me, but it was definitely convicting words that I needed to be reminded of.

Two points that stuck with me are:
1. What kind of mask am I wearing?
2. Do I have a ok place to just be ok?

Many people may think that I’m all smiles all the time…and if you don’t think that, maybe YOU are just not making me smile? :) But when we talk about masks, I asked myself..am I wearing a mask? And it’s actually hard for me to answer this question because I genuinely am happy most of the time but when things upset me, I wonder if I am genuine about those feelings or do I hide them? I do find it hard to be completely transparent with my emotions when I’m upset, not so much because I’m scared of what people will think of me but more because I don’t want to affect others’ moods. I realized that this isn’t right, because as Brian pointed out, if people don’t really know how I’m feeling and what my struggles are, how will they be able to support and pray for me? And how will I deepen my friendships and I’m not vulnerable? And maybe they are going through the same issues I am, so am I missing out being able to connect with them in a new way?

That brings me to the second point, do I have an ok place to just be ok? Some would probably assume that your home is the safest place, but when I think about it, yeah I could be vulnerable when I’m alone in my room..but I tend to wear a mask in front of my parents because I don’t want them to worry about me or get stressed out that something is upsetting me. And sadly, I’ve seen the results of this in the past couple years. Unfortunately, my putting up a mask to “protect” my parents just created more distance between us. My mom especially felt like I didn’t need her anymore and that our relationship wasn’t as close as it once was. The whole time I thought I was doing the right thing but guarding them from my pains, but it just created more pain because we began drifting. Recently, God opened my eyes to this and  I have finally began opening up and sharing my frustrations/pains to my parents. It hasn’t been easy and it feels unnatural in many ways, but I have faith that as I continue to practice this display of vulnerability, it will get easier.

- Christina Hong

Brian sorta talked about masks on Friday and what’s interesting is
that our small group also did our book study on masks. Maybe God is
trying to teach me something here.

My time in STEPS has been somewhat strange. Although I know everyone,
been around everyone for a while and have even been very close to some
people there, STEPS hasn’t really felt like home. For a while, I was
thinking that STEPS seemed sorta superficial and that STEPS isn’t the
place for me and to try someplace else. But after some thought, I’ve
decided that maybe I was just complaining to much and that I need to
approach this on my end.

As the book, True Faced, and Brian talked about, I need to be more
real, take down my masks and open myself up more to the group. This
has been hard for me because of some of the things that I’ve seen and
experienced with some of the people. However people change, I have
changed and the preconceived images, thoughts and biases that I had
should be thrown out the door.

For me, I’ve allowed the past to hinder how I am around others and
have not been willing to open up too much. Its due to fear and
selfishness. Fear that some of my struggles are the same ones from the
past, that I will show no improvement and let others down. Fear that
if I let people get too close, that they are the ones who can burn you
the most. At the same time, I’m selfish because I don’t want these
people to know the good, don’t want to share the joys, victories and
praises that come into my life. What’s also been difficult is that
I’ve placed masks in front of people, not allowing myself to see the
true faces of others. I haven’t invested my time into others and given
people an opportunity to share and express the ups and downs which God
brings them through.

Well, I guess trying now is better than never.

- Aaron Louie

first, brian delivered an awesome message :) 

i cant recall if brian ever even used the word “admonish” that nite, but that was one of the big take-a-ways for me. maybe thats just what god wanted me to get out of it? i think this is one area that steps has a lot of room to grow in, but its hard because its a complicated process that involves so many interdependent factors:

1) you gotta have people in your life that you trust and love to admonish you
2) those people have to be able to discern right from wrong
2) you have to be transparent with these people so that they can call you out
3) then you gotta accept it

im reminded of the story in 1 samuel 3. samuels just a boy and hes supposed to tell eli how hes been a bad parent; hes scared, but he does it, and eli replies “he is the lord; let him do what is good in his eyes.” would you have the courage to call out your pastor? and if you did have the courage, do you think they would be willing to accept it as truth?

i think steps is really good at giving the churchy answer like “you have to make sure that youre telling them out of love…that you know the person well enough that you have that type of authority in their life…” yeah, i agree. but does it HAVE to be this way? if the truth is the truth, does it really matter where it came from or the delivery? of course, be aware not to point out the speck in your brothers/sisters eye if youve gotta plank in your own.

so why the rant? largely because im one of the cowards who isnt good at this and needs to learn how to practice what i preach.

and whats the next step towards all of us being able to kindly admonish our brothers and sisters? i think going deeper in growth, with god and each other, is a great start - something weve been learning about all year and something, hopefully, were learning to apply.

- Peter Chen

Alright, so here I am to blog about the message we received from my boy Stuart… first of all, it was awesome!  I thought it was really great that he was able to pass along experiences and a message he heard all the way out in Sydney, Australia, and bring it back home to Seattle, WA.  There were two main points which really spoke to me and my group.  1.  The idea of how as a generation, we are being more and more about “Public Passion,” rather than “Private Devotion.”  2.  What type of examples/habits/characteristics are we passing down to our children?  Basically, how are we impacting the next generation?

So to begin, with the first point.  It’s sad, but true.  You see it on T.V., church environments, Presidential campaigns, etc.  It’s all about the “feeling,” or “emotional connection,” with these charismatic/sensational speakers (which I am guilty of as well).  One thing that I am afraid of is how does that impact the objective Word of God?  As a church body, I am beginning to see how the art of evangelism is spreading like wild fire and there is so much emphasis on spreading the “Gospel” (which is what we are suppose to do), but we need to ask ourselves as well, “What type of messages are we sending and how deep are we going?”  The concept that continually comes to my mind is that we (as a church body, not just SCAC) may expand horizontally, but have we become vertically challenged?  As a business person, I understand that when something expands too fast, it may not receive the adequate resources needed to help it “grow” upright and properly.  In fact, the culture of today really scares me.  This post-modern MTV generation (Btw, they use to actually play music!) is something that I just can’t relate to anymore.  It’s all about “feelings and emotions” nowadays… subjective, rather than the objective truth that “it’s not about us.”  Christianity is NOT ABOUT US, but yet we so often make it.  I am guilty of this as well, therefore, I say these things not in judgment, but more so as a cry for help.  We need to do our part and make sure that we are looking that the objective parts of life.  The fact that life is meant to be good, that God has plans to prosper and not to harm you, and that He loves you more than you can imagine (Job 40)… however, I find that so many of us get trapped in the subjective nature of life… nobody cares about me, I am not beautiful enough, I can’t make a difference in the world… those statements to me are all based on subjective feelings.  As human beings, feelings and emotions are natural and I am not saying you should disregard them, but what I am saying is that we need to learn how to control them, we can not let emotions control us.  We can start to learn how to control them by first building a stronger foundation within us, and that starts with our private devotion time.

My second point, I’ll keep it short.  Basically, in my mind, Stuart was asking us “what type of difference maker do you want to be?”  Whether you accept it or not, your life does have influence on other people.  This influence may be positive or negative, you decide… but Stu brought that concept into a family/generational environment which I don’t think I’ve ever thought about (considering that we are all fairly young w/o families to worry about).  For those of you who knows about my background, I had to choose to be the turning point in my family, I’ll leave it at that.  Also, I think that question of what are we passing along to our children is so valid.  So often we say “man, I hate this about my mom or dad,” but yet we see that exact same trait within ourselves.  It’s like that “man in the mirror” syndrome.  Anyways, I really enjoyed hearing what Stuart had to say about the landscape of our generation today and challenging us to be more of a positive influence in that environment.  Great job Stu!  Bringing the fire from a different country!

- Steven Kwan

So, I had planned to blog earlier tonight, however my internet decided to go out.  I was going crazy!!!  I can’t believe how much I rely on being connected to everyone/everything through the internet.  After I ate dinner, played mahjong and watched some lame sitcoms, I was still panicking from my internet withdrawal.  I decided to work on tweaking my DUN NAI on my phone to get my tethering to work.  And after 10 minutes of tweaking…. YES, I’m using my 3G EVDO Rev. A connection from my phone hooked to my computer to write this blog.  Couple minutes later, after being out for  three hours, my Comcast decides to come back…


Anywayz…


This past Steps, we were graced by the presence of Mr. Stuart Sakoda.  Although I only knew him through association with my friends, I’ve always looked up to Stuart as a worship leader.  Various times either at the JEMS concerts or simply at Socrates’ house, I was given the opportunity to see Stuart jam on the guitar and go all out LOUD for Christ.  To this day, he remains as one of the few inspirations I have to lead worship.  When I heard that he was going to Hillsong Australia, I was ecstatic!  The Hillsong/United bands had always drawn my attention through the amount of outward passion through expression of their love and dedication to God.  This has also been a great influence of my service to lead people to…


All Praize Jesus aka ELoHiM

Who rules everything, He’s every kings’ King

And He outshines every “Bling-Bling”


Back to the story; Stuart came to speak about devotion.  I feel that the key thing that I took from his message was a little quote that he shared from another speaker at Hillsong saying…  “we have a generation of public passion but lack of private devotion.”


For me this really hits home.  I’ve been at SCAC for 13+ years and have seen the evolution of praise & worship.  I have always felt that there was a large extreme with the amount of expression among different generations.  For a time, it seemed that the youth, including myself, were very outwardly passionate yet lacked that deeply rooted relationship with God.  Concurrently, the older generation seemed to be the complete opposite, seeming to have a strong relationship yet zero outward expression.  As a worship leader, this is always a tough thing to think about; it leads to deep examination of how my spiritual life is.  That’s a good word.  It’s a great reminder of how transparent and honest we, Christians, should be to one another.  Through mentors, I was always taught to never show your weak side when leading worship since it may hinder the experience for others to worship.  Having been in God’s service for leading worship for 10 years, this was the spoon-fed teaching that I had always followed.


Let’s be real; this is not okay.  It is because of that dishonesty that generations of leaders and their followers can fall into that trap of having public passion but lacking private devotion. 


We must be HONEST with ourselves.

We must be REAL in our devotions with Jesus.

We must BREAK FREE from falling into the abyss of being complacent with our mediocre spiritual lives.

We must STRIVE to go…


… deeper.

- Vince Chu