Brian sorta talked about masks on Friday and what’s interesting is
that our small group also did our book study on masks. Maybe God is
trying to teach me something here.
My time in STEPS has been somewhat strange. Although I know everyone,
been around everyone for a while and have even been very close to some
people there, STEPS hasn’t really felt like home. For a while, I was
thinking that STEPS seemed sorta superficial and that STEPS isn’t the
place for me and to try someplace else. But after some thought, I’ve
decided that maybe I was just complaining to much and that I need to
approach this on my end.
As the book, True Faced, and Brian talked about, I need to be more
real, take down my masks and open myself up more to the group. This
has been hard for me because of some of the things that I’ve seen and
experienced with some of the people. However people change, I have
changed and the preconceived images, thoughts and biases that I had
should be thrown out the door.
For me, I’ve allowed the past to hinder how I am around others and
have not been willing to open up too much. Its due to fear and
selfishness. Fear that some of my struggles are the same ones from the
past, that I will show no improvement and let others down. Fear that
if I let people get too close, that they are the ones who can burn you
the most. At the same time, I’m selfish because I don’t want these
people to know the good, don’t want to share the joys, victories and
praises that come into my life. What’s also been difficult is that
I’ve placed masks in front of people, not allowing myself to see the
true faces of others. I haven’t invested my time into others and given
people an opportunity to share and express the ups and downs which God
brings them through.
Well, I guess trying now is better than never.
- Aaron Louie
